Musings, Unparagraphed

I'm not sure what makes this more suitable than the other place, but I haven't written there in so long that I figured...why not start a new place to record my thoughts. Facebook is too terribly, terrifyingly public, even with all the privacy settings. Essentially, anyone who ever has been an acquaintance (and some I know less well than that) would be able to see my thoughts about any and every subject, much as they now can see that if we hypothetically lived in the setting of Harry Potter and I hypothetically had the genetic markers for magic use (or midichlorians or whatever governs the distribution of magic use, but it seems to be genetics, based on the books is all) then I would be a member of house Ravenclaw if I hypothetically went to Hogwarts. Bad example perhaps. Much as they can now see the books and movies and quotes I liked several years ago, my support for prominent moderate democratic lawmakers (who support bigger more coercive government, this despite my avowed political orientation of "libertarian," although now I like to think of myself as more of a "libtard" as the conservative nutroots call I think liberals) and my like preseason NFL picks (I haven't made picks since the regular season started. The point is that I strive to make facebook a place of such intentional frivolity that nothing there could come back to hurt me if known by random less than acquaintances, or that no one, looking at my facebook, could form a complete picture of me (except when I had the lovely sketch of myself by Stuart as the image of myself. Moving on (or not). Now to the whiny, self-consciously self conscious bit that seems more fit for the other place but will have to do in this place. I'm feeling adrift. This is no surprise, it frequently happens. I'm feeling unhappy though, about several things, primarily friends, family and school. School simply because while I'm close to graduation, it seems far off, I don't enjoy my classes (nor have I for some time now) nor even what I'm studying. I don't care about film, or the classics, or certainly theater or really any of these things. I'm beginning to doubt that I can really enjoy anything that I'm "doing" (as in, in my life that is the world's rather than my life that is my own, private, safe, guarded). Being around people of any sort, whether annoying strangers or (what once were?) friends is increasingly draining. I suddenly (probably not so suddenly) enjoy being alone a great deal, maybe crave it even. I read international, political and technological news now 4 hours a day I think at a conservative estimate and watch no TV other than Heroes and UGA football. A year ago this was not true. My family is becoming increasingly difficult to interface with, especially honestly as in any conversation I either deflect what I see as probing questions or invite further probing by somehow hinting that my happiness is not complete, that I don't enjoy school, that I'm not getting enough sleep or food or something and am tired. They think I never talk to them/help them/anything and I think that being in touch and having frighteningly personal conversations like every other day is totally unreasonable. Possibly also I've begun examining and questioning my own beliefs. Whereas last spring I would read lgf and jihadwatch and so forth and ignore racism and whatever you call religious bigotry (I guess that's what you call it:religious bigotry) and work myself into a tizzy being frightened of terrorism and convinced of global antisemitism and a growing rejection of liberalism and democracy, each sarcastic post whipping me into a zionist fervor, now I read a lot more widely. I still stand pretty much where I always have: Israel has the moral upper hand in the Middle East despite their excesses, particularly against Hamas and Hezbollah, which are terrorist organizations seeking only the destruction of the state of Israel. However my view is now more nuanced (what a terrible word). Israel occupies territory captured in wars of self defense and a negotiated permanent end to violence against civilians over those territories is going to be necessary as the main precondition for ending their occupation. However over the last twenty to thirty years Israel has acted shamefully in some instances, and not always in the interest of security, other than in the general sense that controlling more territory with more force is always in a state's national security interest. The building of Jewish settlements in the occupied territories and the Israeli (and American government) government's tacit and explicit support for this policy as a means of redrawing the borders by shifting the Israeli population into the occupied territory has been a major obstacle to peace. Even moreso the attempt to use the settlements to establish a permanent conquest of the territories has sent the wrong message to the palestinian people and the wider Middle East, allowing terrorist groups like Hamas to gain more followers and power. The Bush administration's handling of the situation has been miserable. At the end of Clinton's term, a permanent two state solution seemed possible, even close with only minor tweaks of details left to resolve. Of course Arafat walked out and declared another intifada and Israel elected Sharon not to make peace with the Palestinians, but to defeat them. The Bush administration has had the opportunity to shape the conflict and the peace process and hasn't taken it. The words "too little, too late" are inadequate to describe how inadequate Sec. Rice's current attempt is. A different President could have taken advantage of a) the hardliner Sharon's decision to pull settlements from Gaza and encouraged a similar effort in the West Bank (even though abandoning Gaza settlements was largely an attempt to protect those in the West Bank) or b)increased Palestinian control in Gaza. The next President will be faced with a huge uphill battle in the Middle East, as the peace process has been marginalized, and our rival Iran is in the strongest position they have ever been in thanks to the Shia ascendancy in Iraq, as well as the increasing power and influence of Iranian supported groups like Hamas in Palestine, Hezbollah in Lebannon and the Muslim brotherhood in Egypt. I have also begun to doubt my libertarianism. I still agree with Hayek in that the "road to serfdom" starts with central planning and that a legitimate state exists to protect the rights of its people, rather than to limit them. I want to see a less coercive, less wasteful, more transparent government. However I'm also beginning to recognize the limits of the market and the costs, so to speak, of cutting costs (not to use fearmongering anecdotal evidence but just see:bridge collapse, response to hurricane katrina, military hospitals for evidence of how cutting government services eventually bites you in the ass). The candidates I support now are all Democrats, who yes, have the potential to both tax and spend especially given a democratic house and senate and the fragmentary nature of democratic politics (different interest groups who agree to back each others programs rather than a unified legislative vision). On the other hand, since LBJ Reagan and Bush have represented the biggest increases in the size of government, both of which were essentially adding additional levels of bureacracy to government agencies and programs which already existed. I don't want to do away with the federal government, or privatize all government services or anything like that, so in that since, I'm not a true libertarian so much as I am a true liberal. I do think that years of Republican control of government has clearly eroded the quality of services, while not reducing the waste. The only candidate considered a Libertarian, Ron Paul, has, I think wrong (and not very libertarian) views on abortion and immigration. I've also accepted Hillary as the eventual Dem nominee. I have to go to class now so this will have to be cut short, but I will return to it later today.